Raiders davis super in al davis oakland raiders

Raiders managing general partner Al Davis turned 79 on July 4. It’s no
secret that he doesn’t move around as well as he once did, but he
still approaches each season as if it is yet another opportunity for
his beloved Raiders to win the Super Bowl. This season is no different
from any of his previous 45 since he joined the Raiders in 1963.

To that end, Davis tapped into the resources made more plentiful by
the recent sale of a percentage of the franchise and made his annual
push to bring back greatness to a Raiders team that has lost 61 of 80
games the past five seasons.

“The old man is tired of losing,” a person in the front office said
early in training camp. “If the Raiders lose, it won’t be because of
money. He wants that old feeling back.”

Davis was 54 the last time the Raiders won a Super Bowl and he
experienced the euphoria that fuels his desire to push on year after
year. The Raiders are 185-198 in the 24 seasons since the Raiders last
hoisted the Lombardi Trophy.

So it was that Davis authorized huge contracts for defensive tackle
Tommy Kelly, cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha, running back Justin Fargas,
wide receiver Javon Walker, offensive tackle Kwame Harris, strong
safety Gibril Wilson, cornerback DeAngelo Hall and running back Darren
McFadden within the past eight months.

You can’t turn back time, but you can turn around a team’s fortunes in
today’s NFL in short order. The precedent is there.

went from 7-9 in 1997 to 14-2 and a Super Bowl berth in one season.
The St. Louis Rams jumped from 4-12 in ’98 to 13-3 and Super Bowl
champions the next season. The New England Patriots went from 5-11 in
2000 to 11-5 and winners of the Super Bowl the ensuing campaign.

In other words, the Raiders see hope where others might see the
makings of a sixth straight disastrous season.

Davis’ thirst for a return to glory is palpable. It spews forth in
get-to-know-you meetings with players such as Wilson.

“Oh, yeah, I know he would love that,” Wilson said, when asked how
much it means to Davis for the Raiders to win a fourth Super Bowl. “He
would love to get one more.

“I know I’m trying my hardest to get him one, and I know the defense
is. I know that everybody in this organization is trying to win one
for him. “… He’s tired of losing, the city is tired of losing, and
we have to get back on that winning track.”

However, the Raiders likely are going to get only as far as
quarterback JaMarcus Russell, 23, and McFadden, 21, take them —
neither player was yet born the last time the Raiders won a Super
Bowl.

“The way it is set up right now with how much that you pay the rookies
and you invest so much in them, they have to be such a big focus,”
Kiffin said of his wunderkind.

To that end, Kiffin will rely upon Russell, a second-year player, and
McFadden, a rookie, a great deal, with running back Justin Fargas and
tight end Zach Miller being the other key offensive players.

Defensively, the Raiders moved Kelly from right end to fill the void
created by the retirement of tackle Warren Sapp, traded for Hall,
signed Wilson from the Super Bowl champion New York Giants and
increased the responsibilities of pass-rushing end Derrick Burgess.

Another reason for optimism is a schedule that features only one game
within the first 12 — vs. the San Diego Chargers on Sept. 28
— against a team that posted a winning record last season.

In the end, the Raiders might be right back where they were at the end
of the past five seasons, wondering where things went wrong, thinking
how things can’t get any worse, and waiting for Davis’ next move.

“We really can with the guys that we have on offense and defense,”
Russell said. “Things are looking pretty good for us. I hope it turns
around.”

Notes: The Raiders confirmed the signing of wide receiver Ashley Lelie
on Tuesday. They released veteran defensive tackle William Joseph to
make room for Lelie on the 53-man roster. … The agent for free-agent
receiver Chad Jackson said his client was scheduled to visit the
Raiders on Tuesday. Jackson was released by the Patriots on Sunday. A
Raiders official said he was unaware of Jackson’s presence at the
Raiders’ facility in Alameda. … Davis chartered a jet so that 11
people with past or present Raiders ties could attend the memorial
service for NFL players union chief and former Raiders guard Gene
Upshaw in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday. The following people
represented the Raiders: Davis’ wife, Carole, Clem Daniels, Otis
Sistrunk, Morris Bradshaw, Tom Flores, Rod Martin, Willie Brown,
George Atkinson, Raymond Chester, Art Thoms and Jack Tatum.

The al davis oakland raiders kiffin davis raiders

In this Jan. 23, 2007 file photo, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis,
right, introduces Lane Kiffin, left, as the Oakland Raiders new head
coach in Alameda, Calif. The Raiders fired Kiffin on Tuesday, Sept.
30, 2008, just four games into his second season, bringing finality to
a situation that had been simmering for eight months. (AP Photo/Marcio
Jose Sanchez, File)

ALAMEDA, Calif. (AP) — The Oakland Raiders fired Lane Kiffin on
Tuesday just four games into his second season, ending a public feud
with owner Al Davis that had been simmering since the start of the
year.

Kiffin had a 5-15 record since being hired last year, losing his final
game 28-18 on Sunday to San Diego.

The decision to remove Kiffin was as much about his frequent
criticisms of Davis’ franchise as it was the team’s performance on the
field. Those critiques reached a peak when Kiffin distanced himself
from the defense after a blowout loss in the season opener, saying
that was under coordinator Rob Ryan and Davis’ control.

However, during a news conference Tuesday, Davis also critiqued
several of Kiffin’s coaching and personnel decisions. Among other
things, he said Kiffin objected to the Raiders using the first pick in
the 2007 draft on quarterback JaMarcus Russell.

The Raiders said Kiffin was fired for cause, meaning they will likely
try not to pay him for the remainder of his contract. He signed a two-
year deal worth about $4 million with a team option for 2009 when he
took over last year. Kiffin’s agent Gary Uberstine had no immediate
comment.

The firing, first reported by ESPN and NFL.com, comes a day after the
St. Louis Rams let go of Scott Linehan, marking the second firing at
the quarter point of the season. The last time a coach had been fired
this early in the season was when Davis got rid of Mike Shanahan after
four games in 1989.

The Raiders did not immediately announce a replacement for Kiffin, but
there are plenty of candidates on staff, including Ryan and receivers
coach James Lofton, who both interviewed for the job when Kiffin got
it in 2007. Offensive coordinator Greg Knapp, running backs coach Tom
Rathman, offensive line coach Tom Cable and advance scout Paul Hackett
also could be possible choices.

Kiffin’s job security was in question as far back as January, when a
dispute with Davis over whether he could replace Ryan as defensive
coordinator led to the owner sending his coach a letter of resignation
to sign.

Kiffin refused to sign it and the feud went on throughout the
offseason as Kiffin questioned big-money signings and other personnel
moves made by Davis.

The situation grew more heated with Kiffin’s comments on Davis’
involvement with the defense two days after a season-opening 41-14
loss at home to Denver. Three days after that, reports surfaced that
Davis was ready to fire his coach at any time and it dragged out from
there.

Kiffin did his best to deflect the controversy and never went to Davis
to lobby for his job or a resolution. The team played much better the
past three weeks, beating Kansas City and taking leads into the fourth
quarter against Buffalo and San Diego before losing.

Davis’ once-proud franchise has fallen on hard times of late, with the
blame going beyond one coach. Oakland has an NFL-worst 20-64 record
since the start of the 2003 season, a stretch spanning the tenures of
Bill Callahan, Norv Turner, Art Shell and Kiffin.

Oakland has lost at least 11 games for five straight seasons, tying
the dismal Tampa Bay Buccaneers of the 1980 for the worst stretch in
NFL history.

Since returning to Oakland in 1995, the Raiders have had just three
winning seasons and will be on their eighth head coach. The success
mostly came under Jon Gruden, who led Oakland to division titles in
2000 and ’01 before leaving for Tampa Bay. Callahan took the Raiders
to the Super Bowl the following season, but there was nothing to cheer
about in that 48-21 loss to Gruden and the Bucs — and nothing
since.

The one constant during that period has been Davis, who won three
Super Bowl titles in his first 21 years with the Raiders but has had
little success over the past quarter-century.

Kiffin, the son of longtime NFL defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin,
was just a 31-year-old assistant at Southern California when Davis
hired him to replace Shell following the 2007 season. With that, he
became the youngest head coach in the NFL’s modern era.

Davis said at the time that Kiffin’s youth was not an issue, pointing
to the success the Raiders had in the past with young coaches like
John Madden and Gruden.

Kiffin, instead, is following the path of Shanahan, who was hired at
age 35 in 1988 and then fired four games into his second season. Until
this move, Shanahan had been the only coach Davis had fired in the
middle of a season since joining the Raiders in 1963.

Show up fans in al davis just win baby

Dallas or Washington could finish last in the mighty NFC East and be
done. Alex Marvez tells us what’s wrong with this picture.

The Titans are off to a 4-0 start after handling the Vikings, ranking
them as one of Michael Strahan’s biggest surprises in Week 4.

Make your Sundays more fun! Pick every pro football game straight up
or against the spread. Make your picks today!

Adam Best and the rabid football fans at will weigh in with the
perspective from the bleachers, couches and sports bars after each
week’s games.

You thought Missouri’s NFL teams were bad last year? This year, things
have gotten even worse in the Show-Me State. Speaking of show me, show
me two NFL teams worse than the Kansas City Chiefs and the St. Louis
Rams and I’ll show you a liar. Together these two teams are 0-6, each
fairly good picks to wind up 0-16. The two teams have given up 194
points so far. That’s not a poor showing defensively, that’s a poor
showing in the Electoral College. Ouch!
Lamar Hunt and Madame Ram, bless their souls, must be turning over in
their graves right about now.

The Chiefs and Rams are so bad they’ve taken the “rah” out of
“Missourah.” The Chiefs are so atrocious that Kansas City fans now
actually look forward to the Royals. Meanwhile, the Greatest Show on
Turf is no longer the Rams, but their opponent. Rumor has it that the
entire state of Missouri just ran out of brown paper bags. The rest of
the fans will just have to skip the home games for now.

Speaking of show me, show me two coaches worse than Herm Edwards and
Scott Linehan and I’ll show you a liar.

Edwards’ offense is more predictable than the plot in a Michael Bay
action movie. To make matters worse, the players he’s been
masquerading out there as quarterbacks — Brodie Croyle, Damon Huard
and now, try not to laugh, Tyler Thigpen — are the biggest trio of
deadbeats this side of Vincent Chase’s roomies. Good thing Chiefs GM
Carl Peterson called the Browns about Brady Quinn, because if he
doesn’t get a real QB in K.C. soon, Chiefs fans will have to call
their psychiatrists.

Meanwhile, the Rams’ defense just made Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett
look like Walter Payton and Jim Brown. Some guy named Billy McMullen
ate the Rams’ cornerbacks alive, but I’m not so sure McLovin couldn’t
have done it just as easily. Don’t even get me started on Linehan’s
redzone futility. That is, when his Rams actually get inside the
redzone (it only took three games).

The Vice Presidential Debate will be hosted in St. Louis on Oct. 2.
That’s going to be extremely entertaining in its own right, but I know
a way to make that event even better. Sign up Edwards and Linehan to
debate football on the undercard. Talk about a “Bridge to Nowhere.”
Now that would be entertaining. Someone should give them both a ring
— they could even be out of work and available by then.

For my money, Dick Jauron is as good as any coach working in the NFL
right now. He gets more out of the limited talent he’s working with
than even Dane Cook. That’s saying something.

This just in … Ronnie Brown has scored yet another direct-snap TD.
The Sparanos whacked Bill Belichick and his 21-game regular season
winning streak, sending the fair- weather Foxborough fans home a
quarter early. We’ll see if that Ronnie and Ricky show was a one-trick
pony after their Week 4 bye.

Speaking of fair-weather Foxborough fans, don’t you think you guys
could have sat through just one miserable fourth quarter after all the
championships you’ve recently won? The only people more panicked than
you were Randy Moss fantasy owners. Can’t you just hear Pats fans
storming towards the parking lot …”Hey, Sully, where’d ya pahk the
****in’ caah?”

I-N-T-S, pick, pick, pick. It should have been three interceptions for
Favre. When the grizzly gunslinger gets that careless with the ball,
his team loses. Different shade of green, same old story.

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Jay Cutler to Brandon Marshall is the new No. 1 QB-WR connection in
the NFL. The new No. 2? The tandem lining up across from Denver’s
suddenly shaky pass defense. Have Champ Bailey and Dre Bly lost a
step?

The look on Larry Johnson’s face late in last Sunday’s game summed up
the current state of the Chiefs. Dude had bitter beer face and he
wasn’t even drinking. Playing with Tyler Thigpen can have that effect
on people. Sorry, L.J., things are only going to get worse.

Lane Kiffin might get canned for opening up a can on the rival Chiefs
before nearly beating the 3-0 Bills on the road? I guess that’s just
too much progress for Al Davis. The Crypt Keeper is more concerned
with stockpiling top draft picks. Maybe Art Shell is available …
again?

Antonio Cromartie should have had three picks and two touchdowns. I
think the Bolts will settle for two picks and one TD, however,
considering that LaDainian Tomlinson is almost back to his normal self
and Philip Rivers is hotter than Anne Hathaway in nothing but a thong.
I guess the Chargers weren’t too happy about Ed Hochuli’s blown call
putting them in an 0-2 hole.

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Al Davis speaks on his latest firing, that of head coach Lane Kiffin.
Listen to the Raiders’ owner as he explains the dismissal.

FOXSports.com has all the latest news and updates from the pro
football world including the Raiders firing head coach Lane Kiffin,
the Steelers suffering more injuries and much more.

The al davis raiders rams faulkner coach

Jack Faulkner, shown here in 1973, first joined the Rams in 1955. He
was one of few employees to stay in California when the team relocated
to St. Louis in 1995.

Jack Faulkner, shown here in 1973, first joined the Rams in 1955. He
was one of few employees to stay in California when the team relocated
to St. Louis in 1995.

Jack Faulkner, a longtime executive with the St. Louis Rams going back
to the franchise’s days in Southern California, died Sunday night at
Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian in Newport Beach, the Rams
announced. He was 82. The cause of death was not disclosed, but
Faulkner, most recently the Rams’ administrator for pro personnel and
working out of his office in Orange County, had been in failing health
for some time.

“I can’t overstate the significance he played in the history of the
Rams,” said Rams owner Chip Rosenbloom. “We lost really one of the
great connections to our past.” Faulkner joined the Rams in 1955 under
first-year coach Sid Gillman and was associated with the team for 43
of the 53 years he worked in pro football. He was one of the few
remaining people to have worked as a coach in both the American
Football League and the National Football League before the leagues
merged in 1970. A native of Youngstown, Ohio, Jack Taylor Faulkner
served in the Marines during World War II and played his college
football at Miami University in Ohio. He began his coaching career in
1949 at the University of Cincinnati under head coach Gillman.

Faulkner followed Gillman to the Los Angeles Chargers in the early
1960s on a coaching staff that also included future Raiders owner Al
Davis and future Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll. When the team
moved to San Diego, Faulkner went with them, coaching the defensive
backs. Faulkner became the Denver Broncos’ coach and general manager
in 1962 and was honored as AFL coach of the year after leading the
financially strapped franchise to a 7-7 record. He worked as an
assistant coach for the Minnesota Vikings and New Orleans Saints
before rejoining the Rams in 1971 as a professional and college scout.
He served as offensive backfield coach for the 1979 season, helping
the Rams reach their first Super Bowl, which they lost to the
Pittsburgh Steelers. In 1980, he was appointed assistant general
manager of the Rams. He was one of few employees to stay in California
when the team relocated to St. Louis in 1995. Faulkner is survived by
his wife, Debbie, three sons and a daughter.

For great seafood, try Point Loma Seafoods in San Diego. Craving dim
sum? Check out ABC Seafood in L.A.’s Chinatown.

Britney Spears– pop princess or pop pariah — has listed her Beverly
Hills Post Office home for $7.9 million.

Al davis raiders’s season rams kiffin

WITH FAR MORE days remaining in this season than have passed, it’s a
little odd there already is so much angst in so many places.

Yes, we are only a month into this NFL season, and there are two teams
poised to fire their coaches, two teams with fingers poised over the
switch, two teams tangled in a web of disarray, bad public relations
and with little public comment from the people who make the decisions
about any of it.

Keep your eyes peeled, though, because the Oakland Raiders and St.
Louis Rams share the same bye week — a week from Sunday — and there
are many around the league who believe both team’s coaches could be
fired within hours of completing their on-field business this Sunday.

Coach Lane Kiffin, who some in the league say is scheduled to earn $2
million this year and $2 million next year, doesn’t want to quit a
team that so obviously wants to fire him. If he quits, he surrenders
his salary.

If he’s fired, the Raiders pay. Or at least Kiffin and the Raiders
hire attorneys and fight it out for the cash, with both sides waving
Kiffin’s signed contract around.

But owner Al Davis hasn’t talked to Kiffin directly during the regular
season, and some around the team say the silence stretches back to
training camp.

Kiffin tried to fire defensive coordinator Rob Ryan in the offseason
and was overruled by Davis. So, Ryan stayed, and now those two aren’t
exactly texting “BFF” back and forth to each other these days.

All this from a team that has lost at least 11 games in each of the
previous five seasons.

This from a team that has used the word “excellence” as part of its
calling card for years, when in reality it has been quite some time
since it even reached the level of not too bad.

For his part, though, Kiffin is almost in a no-lose position. The team
has played hard enough this season that, should Davis finally go
public with his displeasure with Kiffin, no other general manager or
team owner who might be interested in hiring Kiffin later would ever
hold what happened in Oakland against him.

In St. Louis, things are bad enough for coach Scott Linehan that his
wife was seen crying after the 37-13 loss Sunday at Seattle.

It’s unlikely Kristen Linehan knew exactly what her husband was
getting into when he took the job, but the Rams have been known all
over the league for their organizational infighting since Mike Martz
was the team’s coach.

When Martz was fired, there were people with the Rams who portrayed
the mercurial Martz as the problem, but the problems certainly run
deeper than that.

The Rams are last, or headed that way, in virtually every statistical
category the league has to offer. They also are facing more than a
little public questioning after the Broncos’ 3-0 start over why the
Rams were the ones who let the Broncos move up in the 2006 draft so
they could take Jay Cutler with the 11th pick.

The Rams then took cornerback Tye Hill in their slot. And he just
happens to be one of the players Linehan has benched in recent days as
he tries to save his job.

But Linehan also made the official panic-setting-in move when he
benched quarterback Marc Bulger on Tuesday. Bulger hasn’t accomplished
much behind center this season, other than trying to survive behind an
offensive line that so far has been far more screen door than line.

Bulger is 31 years old and battered, having been sacked 97 times in
his past 31 starts. He’s also the guy the Rams signed to a $65 million
contract extension that now includes a guaranteed $7 million salary
for this season, an atmospheric number for a backup.

His replacement? The one Linehan has selected to help turn the
epically big tide in all of this? Trent Green, who turned 38 in July
and has missed significant time recently with concussions.

Linehan also now looks like he’s throwing the mess in Bulger’s lap
since he has benched a quarterback who has indeed had some wobbles
this year but also currently has a higher passer rating than Peyton
Manning, David Garrard, Derek Anderson, Matt Hasselbeck, Matt Schaub
or Carson Palmer.

The Raiders (1-2) face the San Diego Chargers on Sunday before heading
into their bye week. The Chargers have won nine consecutive games
against the Raiders, dating to the 2003 season, when Bill Callahan was
still the Oakland coach.

The Rams face 3-0 Buffalo on Sunday before they, too, head into their
bye. They haven’t won a game since Dec. 2 of last season, haven’t won
two games in a row since November.

They are just two teams who appear poised to be first in at least one
thing this year — firing their coaches before handing the broom to
somebody else to clean it all up.

Add your voice to those of many Hawks fans from all over the globe!
and bone up for the season with other knowledgeable fanatics!

The al davis raiders kiffin sunday davis

The Oakland Raiders fired coach Lane Kiffin yesterday just four games
into his second season, ending a public feud with owner Al Davis that
had been simmering since the start of the year.

Kiffin had a 5-15 record since being hired last year, losing his final
game 28-18 on Sunday to San Diego.

The decision to remove Kiffin was as much about his frequent
criticisms of Davis’ franchise as it was the team’s
performance on the field. Those critiques reached a peak when Kiffin
distanced himself from the defense after a blowout loss in the season
opener, saying that was under coordinator Rob Ryan and Davis’
control.

However, during a news conference yesterday, Davis also critiqued
several of Kiffin’s coaching and personnel decisions. Among
other things, he said Kiffin objected to the Raiders using the first
pick in the 2007 draft on quarterback JaMarcus Russell.

The Raiders said Kiffen was fired for cause, meaning they will likely
try not to pay him for the remainder of his contract.

St. Louis Rams quarterback Marc Bulger got his job back, the biggest
development of new coach Jim Haslett’s first full day in charge
of the winless team.

Backup Trent Green started Sunday’s 31-14 loss to the in Scott
Linehan’s final game as coach. Bulger was back with the starters
in practice yesterday, and Haslett said he’ll be the starter the
rest of the season.

Baltimore running back Willis McGahee has a rib injury and his status
for the Ravens game against the Titans Sunday is unclear.

Ricky Williams says he was briefly tempted to smoke marijuana during
the Miami Dolphins[]’ bye weekend, an act that could have ended
his roller-coaster NFL career.

Running back Cedric Benson signed with the Cincinnati Bengals, who
needed another runner and were undeterred by two alcohol-related
arrests in Texas that prompted the Chicago Bears to let him go.

New York Giants backup running back Danny Ware has been arrested and
charged with an alcohol offense while walking in the road in Athens,
Ga.

The 23-year-old former Georgia player was booked at the Clarke County
Jail early Sunday and released four hours later on $500 bond.

Police say Ware and a woman were standing in the street talking and
traffic had to steer around them. The police report said Ware
acknowledged he was drinking and his breath test showed he had a
blood-alcohol content of 0.152. He was charged with pedestrian under
the influence and pedestrian walking in the road.

Former NFL draft bust Tony Mandarich says he used steroids at Michigan
State and faked a drug test before the 1988 Rose Bowl.

Al davis raiders’s true davis true)”>

‘, CENTERMOUSE, true, OFFSETX, 0, OFFSETY, 30, FADEIN, 500, FADEOUT,
1000, SHADOW, true, STICKY, true, CLOSEBTN, true, CLICKCLOSE, true)”>
‘, CENTERMOUSE, true, OFFSETX, 0, OFFSETY, 30, FADEIN, 500, FADEOUT,
1000, SHADOW, true, STICKY, true, CLOSEBTN, true, CLICKCLOSE, true)”>
‘, CENTERMOUSE, true, OFFSETX, 0, OFFSETY, 30, FADEIN, 500, FADEOUT,
1000, SHADOW, true, STICKY, true, CLOSEBTN, true, CLICKCLOSE, true)”>

Give the Detroit Lions and St. Louis Rams credit for recognizing their
mistakes. It’s hard to give Al Davis credit for much in Oakland.

The Lions finally pulled the plug last week on Matt Millen’s
disastrous seven-plus-year reign of error as general manager (a 31-84
record). On Monday, the Rams fired coach Scott Linehan after a
dreadful 0-4 start that saw morale plummet and opponents amass a
147-43 scoring edge.

And yesterday, Davis dropped the axe on Raiders coach Lane Kiffin
after an awkward month of innuendo and replaced him on an interim
basis with Tom Cable.

All three scenarios were toxic, and making changes at or near the top
may be the first of many steps required to change the culture of
losing in all three cities.

According to ESPN.com research, the firings of Linehan and Kiffin mark
the 59th and 60th in-season coaching change since the 1970 NFL-AFL
merger. Replacement coaches have a combined 120-263-1 record (a .314
winning percentage). Of the 27 coaches who took over with at least
half a season remaining, only five led their teams to winning records.

To be fair, few of those men inherited good situations. Unlike in
baseball, basketball or hockey, football teams (pro or college) rarely
make in-season management changes. Coaches spend their entire off-
seasons implementing or honing offensive or defensive schemes, and
even during bye weeks, it’s hard to change course.

Most changes come when things clearly get out of hand–and nowhere is
that more true than in Oakland.

The Raiders job may be the least desirable in pro sports because of
Davis’ meddling. Oakland has lost at least 11 games for five straight
seasons, tying Tampa Bay’s NFL record for futility. A once-proud
franchise whose motto was “Commitment to Excellence” has become a
laughingstock, and it may not get better until Davis is committed–to
a retirement home.

Don’t expect Bill Cowher or anyone with a shred of independence to
apply for the job in the offseason.

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Al davis raiders’s season rams coach

UPDATED (10:10 a.m.)… The St. Louis Rams have fired Scott Linehan as
their coach. The team has confirmed the move and a news conference is
scheduled for today at 1 p.m. Eastern time. Linehan will be replaced
on an interim basis by defensive coordinator Jim Haslett, formerly the
head coach of the New Orleans Saints.

“I have enormous respect for Scott Linehan as a person and believe
under the right circumstances he will be regarded one day as a fine
head coach,” Rams owner Chip Rosenbloom said in a written statement.
“Unfortunately, the situation with the Rams as they exist today is no
longer acceptable and we have to make a change. “We do this with a
heavy heart, and we thank Scott for his efforts and dedication on
behalf of the Rams. “By appointing the well-respected Jim Haslett as
our head coach, we are making an interim move that we hope will make
the Rams winners again.” The move was expected after Sunday’s loss to
the Buffalo Bills dropped the Rams’ record to 0-4 this season and 3-17
since the beginning of last season. Rosenbloom recently had promised
to make changes if the team’s play didn’t improve, and Linehan
appeared to lose the support of his players. He benched quarterback
Marc Bulger last week in favor of Trent Green, and running back Steven
Jackson criticized the move on a radio show. There also was talk that
Linehan was at odds with wide receiver Torry Holt, producing
speculation that he might be trying to trade Holt. Linehan had a
record of 11-25 with the Rams. He went 8-8 in 2006 in his rookie
season as an NFL head coach. But the Rams now have surrendered 30 or
more points in seven straight games dating back to last season and
have been outscored, 147-43, in four games this season. It was the
second straight season with a slow start for the Rams. They began 0-8
last season. The Rams’ losing streak dating to last season is eight
games. They rarely have been even competitive in games: They’ve been
outscored by 26 points per game this season and by 14 points per game
since the start of last season. This season, they rank 30th in the
league in total offense and next to last in total defense. The Rams
are beginning their bye week. Haslett gets a promotion despite
overseeing the NFL’s 31st-ranked defense. He was chosen by the club’s
decision-makers after they reportedly also gave consideration to
offensive coordinator Al Saunders. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch
reported that there was consideration given to keeping Linehan for the
rest of the season and hiring former Rams coach Dick Vermeil as a
consultant, but those ideas were rejected. The decision reportedly was
made overnight in a meeting involving Rosenbloom and other high-
ranking team officials. An online poll by the Post-Dispatch conducted
Sunday night found that 92 percent of respondents thought Linehan
should be fired. The newspaper also reported that there will be
changes made to the team’s front office after the season. One of
Haslett’s first decisions will be whether to reinstate Bulger as the
starter at quarterback. Bulger signed a six-year, $65 million contract
extension last year, and his play apparently was not regarded as the
team’s main problem within the locker room. Holt recently said
publicly that the club’s offensive line had to improve its play or
Bulger would not last the season. Jackson said on the radio late last
week that Bulger was the team’s leader and it made no sense to sit
down a quarterback after giving him such a hefty contract. Linehan’s
switch to Green failed to provide a spark. Haslett was the Saints’
head coach between the 2000 and 2005 seasons and had a record of
45-51. He led the Saints to the playoffs in the 2000 season. He was
fired after the team went 3-13 in 2005, the season in which it was
displaced from New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina. The question is
whether it will be a two-firing Monday. The Oakland Raiders also could
dismiss their coach, Lane Kiffin. Defensive coordinator Rob Ryan might
replace him. There have been reports for weeks that Raiders owner Al
Davis was about to fire Kiffin. The two have been at odds since the
offseason, when Davis reportedly tried to get Kiffin to resign but
Kiffin refused. The only thing keeping Kiffin in his job then, it
seemed, was that he didn’t want to resign and forfeit future salaries,
while Davis didn’t want to fire him and pay future salaries. Now it’s
possible that Davis will oust Kiffin and maintain that Kiffin violated
his contract and isn’t owed those salaries. The Raiders are 1-3 and
firing a coach after four games wouldn’t be completely new to Davis.
In 1989, he fired Mike Shanahan as his coach four games into the
season and replaced him with Art Shell. The Raiders went 4-12 last
season in Kiffin’s rookie season as a head coach. In the offseason,
Kiffin reportedly wanted to fire Ryan but Davis blocked the move.
There were reports that wide receivers coach James Lofton was hired
without Kiffin’s input, although the Raiders denied that. The Raiders
made a series of expensive player moves, raising expectations for this
season despite the fact that they’re starting young quarterback
JaMarcus Russell. The troubles of the offseason intensified when
Kiffin said after a poor defensive performance in a season-opening
loss to the Denver Broncos that Ryan and Davis collaborate on the
defensive game plans. Ryan came to Davis’s defense, saying publicly
that he–not the owner–is in charge of the defense. That seemed to
reinforce Ryan’s loyalty to Davis and underscore the point that he’s
in line to succeed Kiffin. If Davis doesn’t give the job to Ryan, it
could go to Lofton, offensive coordinator Greg Knapp or running backs
coach Tom Rathman. The Raiders also employ former coach Paul Hackett
as a scout. The Raiders, like the Rams, have a bye next weekend.

Why dont the Rams package Stephan Jackson and Marc Bulger and trade
for a good QB. If they did that they should be able to get an elite QB
like Peyton Manning or Donavon McNabb.

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Al davis wikipedia’s it’s think up

I spent last weekend at Wrigley Field, watching the stupid Cubs clinch
their stupid division and drink some stupid champagne in front of
their stupid fans. It was the first time my father had ever been to
Wrigley Field, and I have to think it’ll be his last. Poor guy. He
makes it nearly 60 years without visiting the place despite living in
the same state, and the day he shows up, the Cubs celebrate a division
championship by beating his Cardinals in front of him. Baseball sucks
sometimes.

Anyway, you’ll eventually end up hearing a lot more about this game,
down the line — and aren’t you ecstatic about that? — but
because this is the final week until the baseball playoffs start, I’m
gonna stick to the NFL. Because, this week, it’s something that will
make people in Chicago miserable. And they could use some of that.

32. St. Louis Rams (0-3). Fantastic stat from the invaluable : The
Rams didn’t reach their opponent’s 20-yard line until their 119th play
of the season. Earlier in their loss to the Seahawks, they recovered a
fumble at the Seattle 23. Three plays later, it was fourth-and-12. And
you know what? I still have a fear they’ll sweep the Buzzsaw.

31. Kansas City Chiefs (0-3). In lighter times at Arrowhead, Larry
Johnson used to make fun of Herman Edwards in press conferences.

At this point, Larry-Johnson-as-Herman-Edwards has to be considered a
legitimate candidate to coach the team, doesn’t he? I hadn’t realized
the Chiefs had actually lost 12 in a row. Their next winnable game
looks to be Thanksgiving weekend.

30. Detroit Lions (0-3). It has been since 2001 — 2001! —
that Matt Millen has been in charge of the Lions. Therefore, it’s easy
to forget that, back before this destruction all started, he was, in
fact, a rather awesome NFL analyst. Weird, right? It seems odd to
think that Matt Millen was ever competent at anything. I keep
imagining him walking into doors, or peeing in the sink, or putting
his pants on backwards.

29. Cincinnati Bengals (0-3). I have found that Cincinnatians
(Cincinnatities? Cincinnatiarians?) tend to find it frustrating that
the rest of the country mostly just knows them for Pete Rose, racial
strife and “WKRP In Cincinnati.” I agree that the brilliance of WKRP
doesn’t make up for the ugliness of the first two … but man, it’s
closer than you’d think. I caught on a rerun while trying not to sleep
the other night, and, dammit, that show was funnier than I remembered.
That Gary Sandy, too … what a hunk!

28. Oakland Raiders (1-2). I know it’s all settled now, but wouldn’t
it have been great if Lane Kiffin had just kept winning, like, 10 in a
row? Al Davis clearly was going to fire him after his next loss
— because Al Davis is — and I don’t doubt that he would
have done it even if the team were 11-1. I hope he never dies. Promise
me he’ll never die.

27. Houston Texans (0-2). I’m writing this from a suburban Starbucks
in Lisle, Illinois, and I have decided that the people who hang out in
a Lisle, Illinois Starbucks at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday are the human
equivalent of the Houston Texans. Except I can easily ignore the
Houston Texans.

26. Cleveland Browns (0-3). I don’t think there’s ever been an easier
preseason pick for Team Everyone Will Grumble About Having To Watch On
National Television In November than the Browns. The good news is that
Brady is coming soon. By the way, remember that about how Braylon
Edwards was branching out to become a multimedia star? That hasn’t
quite worked out, even though I see him on my Yahoo fantasy page every
day, doing his thing, popping in every once in a while to say, “Most
definitely” while our world descends into chaos.

25. Seattle Seahawks (1-2). I swear to God, if this boring, sloppy,
uninspiring team ends up sneaking into an NFC West division win again
— and I’m pretty sure they will — I’m only watching the
WNBA this January. Wait: Does the WNBA play in January? Oh, here’s a
fun tidbit I learned while reading Athlon’s NBA Preview on the plane
yesterday: JaVale McGee, the , is the son of a former WNBA player. I
can’t believe I didn’t know this. This news stuns me in about 13
different ways.

24. New York Jets (1-2). So, have we decided yet which modern-day
aging rock band equivalent this is? An Aerosmith tour? Sex Pistols?
Metallica? I tend to think it’s kind of like a Smoking Popes reunion.
Sure, Favre looks (sounds) pretty much like he used to, but somehow
diluted, tired, uninspired, in a way that makes you question his
earlier work. But still: It’s better than the band being broken up.

23. San Francisco 49ers (2-1). After my about why the Olympics are
sports for people who don’t like sports, I have a bunch of people ask
me, “OK, wise guy, what does make a real sports fan?” I have no idea,
of course, but here’s a sign you’re not one: If you watched the Emmys
the other night.

22. Miami Dolphins (1-2). I had a lot of fun the other day trying to
convince a friend of mine that Ronnie Brown was not left handed,
making his touchdown toss that much more impressive. I don’t know I
found this funny; I never even let him in on the “joke.” I’m now
convinced Leinart should switch to his right hand, though. Can’t hurt.

21. Chicago Bears (1-2). Now that the Bears have lost two crushing
games in a row, I think Bears fans could use a pickmeup.

20. Atlanta Falcons (2-1). Matt Ryan has the team off to such a nice
start that I’m pretty sure he’s gonna sign with a European team in the
next couple of weeks. It makes sense: I think one Euro is worth about
$45,000 right now.

19. The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals (2-1). A friend of mine,
who has never had any particular connection to any NFL team, has
decided to follow the Buzzsaw this year because he “likes Kurt
Warner.” I tried to warn him, but to no avail. We get the Jets in East
Rutherford this weekend. Either we’re gonna finish the easiest part of
our schedule 2-2 — and therefore be doomed — or every Jets
fan is absolutely going to freak out next week. Losing at home to us
is always good for opposing fans’ existential crisis.

18. New Orleans Saints (1-2). This is probably a little low, actually.
I was thinking of Spike Lee’s Katrina documentary the other day, how
it started a career resurgence for him that apparently is going to end
with the lamentably poorly reviewed “The Miracle At St. Anna.” Did
anybody else notice him in the bleachers at Yankee Stadium the other
night? It’s nice to know Spike has a StubHub account.

17. Indianapolis Colts (1-2). Boy, I sure can’t wait until the
Patriots-Colts game this year, can you? John Madden is going to sound
so depressed.

16. New England Patriots (2-1). I know, it’s already been played to
death pretty much everywhere, but I will never, ever tire of Bill
Belichick’s “we were competitive in the kicking game” quote. The
craziest thing is that it’s probably the best compliment Belichick has
ever given his team.

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1). Brian Griese threw 68 passes Sunday.
Brian Griese! 68! It’s third-most all time in a single game. So you’d
think Brian Griese would be the last person who would go so nuts. But
look at the .

14. Minnesota Vikings (1-2). You’d have to think that by now, even if
Gus Frerotte ends up getting hurt (and ), Tavaris Jackson won’t be
quarterbacking this team anymore. The other backup is John David
Booty, who I hope ends up starting, so he become the third USC
quarterback with a lead job in the NFL who isn’t Matt Leinart.

13. San Diego Chargers (1-2). Couldn’t possibly agree with Drew more:
I am really going to have to watch Philip Rivers — THAT guy?
— become one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL over the next
few years? I’m trying to think of a less likable quarterback, and the
best I can come up with is the heyday of Kerry Collins. Who, of
course, everybody kind of likes now.

12. Washington Redskins (2-1)). I think it’s funny when people still
have active MySpace pages; not to sound like a social networking nerd
here, but seriously, uh, unless you’re a struggling band or a
practicing prostitute, I can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t use Facebook
at this point. (Or Friendster, of course.) Anyway, while searching for
Jason Campbell, I found his . I still miss the tubby Joe Gibbs.

11. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2). I’m feeling more confident about my
Super Bowl pick, though the schedule still isn’t getting any easier.
My favorite story of the Jack Del Rio era is still when his punter .
You really can’t trust punters around shiny objects.

10. Carolina Panthers (2-1). Honestly, the Panthers’ . He actually
responded to news that the VP debate would not have a “loose format”
because the McCain campaign worried it would “leave Ms. Palin, a
relatively inexperienced debater, at a disadvantage and largely on the
defensive” by saying, simply, “Are you fucking kidding me?” If
President Palin ends up starting World War III in a couple of years
because she saw an image of Christ in a yoga mat during a Pilates
class, Andrew Sullivan is going to be one satisfied piece of nuclear
vaporized particles.

9. Baltimore Ravens (2-0). Speaking of politics — because I
never, ever have anything to say about the Ravens — the
Presidential debates begin Friday, in Oxford, Miss., home of William
Faulkner, John Grisham, Joey Lauren Adams and , which I’m pretty sure
no one has ever, ever read. Anyway, there’s a debate Friday.

8. Green Bay Packers (2-1). While we’re discussing ESPN writers, I
just finished Chuck Klosterman’s , and it’s pretty great. If you’re
one of those people who don’t like Klosterman — and there are
more of you out there than I ever would have thought — it’s so
unlike his earlier work that you might even enjoy it, if you give it a
chance. As someone who knows that feeling of growing up in a small
town, being vaguely depressed for absolutely no reason at all and
feeling pretty certain that every day is both the most important day
of your life and totally meaningless … well, the book was right in
my strike zone. (Klosterman is a Packers fan, by the way, which is why
this is here.)

7. Tennessee Titans (3-0). Just to piss off Iracane, I’m going to talk
about my keeper league fantasy team. It’s the same league I’ve been in
since I was a freshman in college, and you keep 14 guys a year. That
is to say: If you draft someone, they’re pretty much yours for live.
This year, I ended up with Chris Johnson, Eddie Royal and Tim
Hightower. And I’ll still probably finish in last for the next decade.

6. Buffalo Bills (3-0). It’s becoming clear that the Bills are going
to still be undefeated when they come to the Pink Taco in a couple of
weeks. I had no idea everyone in Chicago hated Dick Jauron, by the
way.

5. Denver Broncos (3-0). Do you realize that there’s a possibility Jay
Mariotti might take over Woody Paige’s old spot at the Denver Post? Or
will it be in New York? Pittsburgh? (My money’s on Pittsburgh, or
Yahoo.) Rick’s : Beware, American, he could be coming to YOUR TOWN
NEXT.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1). During the Steelers’ final “drive,” I
was actively disappointed not to see the Steelers’ offensive line
carrying Byron Leftwich down the field, like in . What seemed heroic
at the time now simply looks like nice men carrying the broken old man
down the field. He’s like Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable. It’s like
they were Segways.

3. New York Giants (3-0). I hope everybody likes the NFC East, because
they have the best three teams in football right now. The Giants have
a bye week this week, which is sad, because that means it won’t be the
same time as the Jets’. That never happens. It’s a shame: For one
weekend, it would be nice for New Yorkers to have the same NFL Sunday
entertainment options as Los Angelenos.

2. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1). I have to say, Deadspin readers, you
really need to start cheering for the Phillies to collapse. Can you
imagine what it’s going to look like around here if the Phillies are
in the playoffs and the Eagles remain one of the best teams in
football? You thought I was bad in October 2006? This site is going to
come equipped with splash guards.

1. Dallas Cowboys (3-0). I recommend everyone check out the oddly
mesmerizing . I think Orwell would have been a great sports blogger.
He would have enjoyed “Hard Knocks,” I suspect.

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Going 2-2 week in al davis picture

Before we get started, a few words on America’s financial crisis.
(Because hey, who knows more about our economy than a sports blogger
from Nowhere, Illinois?) I am going to apply my years of insight as
reporter for magazine, as well as my minutes upon minutes of CNBC
viewing, to explain to you exactly what it all means. Ready?

We’re all fucked. Every single one of us. And if you think you’re
fucked, wait until your children grow up. In 25 years, this country is
going to have six rich people, and the rest of us are going to be
living in teepee, huts or igloos, depending on your local climate.
(That is to say: Forget the igloos.) Eventually, we will all flee to
Canada and other indigenous lands, much like the plot of the upcoming
HBO series What’s “Americatown” about?

Set 25-40 years into the future when the precipitous decline of the
U.S. leads to a mass exodus of its citizens, “Americatown” takes place
in a cluster of newly arrived American immigrants in a big foreign
city.

I am reminded of the New York City blackout. My old boss, when the
lights went out in our office, began running around, screaming, “This
is how they do it! Al Qaeda shuts down our power grid and then attacks
while we’re defenseless.” I kind of feel like that right now.
Everything fun any of us have ever done is about to end; life’s gonna
turn into “Of Mice And Men,” with Sarah Palin’s child good-heartedly
and accidentally crushing the skull of a lovely migrant worker. Whole
world’s comin’ to an end, Mal. Might as well enjoy some football
before it all implodes.

32. St. Louis Rams (0-4). Interesting factoid I discovered this week:
Ousted coach Scott Linehan is actually the brother-in-law of Jim
Caviezel, last seen as the guy getting the shit beaten out of him,
supposedly for our sins, though the movie never quite made that part
clear. I have a feeling Linehan’s going to have a similar career the
rest of the way as Caviezel, last seen in , a direct-to-DVD “adventure
epic.” Here’s the plot summary: “During the reign of the Vikings,
Kainan (Caviezel), a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth,
bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen. Though both
man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against
them, Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his
advanced technology with the Viking’s Iron Age weaponry.” Shit, I’d
watch that.

31. Cincinnati Bengals (0-4). Carson Palmer reportedly wanted to play
last week, but, you know, at this point, Get surgery right now,
Carson, and miss the rest of the season. Even if you don’t actually
need it. Run for the hills.

30. Detroit Lions (0-3). The Lions went ahead and , their first
runthrough without Matt Millen as GM. Wouldn’t it have been kind of
awesome if, suddenly, all the players were five times more talented?
Or if they could, like, fly? If the Lions go 13-0 the rest of the way,
it will be the greatest sports story of all time. Maybe it’ll be a
ragtag bunch of scallywags who somehow claw their way to victory in
amusing ways. Perhaps they’ll sign a kicking mule.

28. Oakland Raiders (1-3). So, when Crazy Al eventually does fire Lane
Kiffin, who’s the first team to hire him? Doesn’t he have to go to the
top tier of coaching candidates now? In true Simmons fashion, I’ve
been trying to come up with an analogy for the practice of taking a
job coaching for Al Davis, knowing that you’ll be fired eventually
even if you do a good job, all just to promote yourself down the line?
I’d guess it’d be like signing up to be Lehman Brothers’ PR person
right now.

27. Cleveland Browns (1-3). The Browns are set to lose their next six
games, which means this is probably as high as they’ll be the rest of
the year (and considering they just dropped a spot by winning, that’s
probably a safe bet), and that we’re getting Brady Quinn really soon.
Just for old times sake, I think someone should station a camera on
him the entire time he’s waiting to enter the game, watching him grow
more uncomfortable until he finally just leaves.

26. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3). Larry Johnson is still alive! Jason
Whitlock and this site have had some disagreements over the years, but
I consider it a quite victory that he’s now .

25. San Francisco 49ers (2-2). I was in San Francisco for about 48
hours over the weekend — sorry I didn’t call, Chandler; no time!
Love you! Miss you! So glad Daulerio’s actually, you know, letting you
do work — and ran into the . Boy, do those Californians know how
to tailgate!

By the way, something I just noticed: STEVE GUTTENBERG IS WEARING A
DARRELL PORTER JERSEY IN THAT CLIP! HOLY CRAP! I do

24. Atlanta Falcons (1-3). Matt Ryan still has a while to go to become
the world’s .

23. The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals (2-2). I was stuck on a
JetBlue flight Sunday, flipping back and forth between this game and
the Mets’ . No matter what happens — and you know this already
— whoever wins the NFC West might be the worst division champion
of the last 25 years. And you know what? If it means the Buzzsaw
sneaking in, that’s fine.

21. Miami Dolphins (1-2). Because the NFL is helplessly screwed up
— how will they do a 32-team 8-8 tiebreaker, anyway? — I
have no doubt that Dolphins will smoke the Chargers this weekend,
thanks to Ronnie Brown’s four touchdown passes, two from each hand.

20. New York Jets (2-2). It’s worth noting that had the Buzzsaw stayed
upright in this game, they might have actually come back. Bad sign.
That said, the Jets could win their next three, and then some. And of
course Favre is cheering that Aaron Rodgers is hurt. Did you have any
doubt?

19. Minnesota Vikings (1-3). It has come to this: Vikings fans
breathed a huge sigh of relief when Whew!

18. Indianapolis Colts (1-2). The whole Colts season is going to come
down to this week against Houston; if they lose on the road, they’ll
be 1-3 with games against the Ravens, Packers, Titans, Patriots and
Steelers coming up. I was going to try to find a goofy picture of
Peyton Manning to add to this paragraph, but every photograph of
Peyton Manning looks exactly the same, even if he’s wearing a
mustache.

17. New England Patriots (2-1). All told, the Patriots (and Jets …
and Bills … and Dolphins …) are rather fortunate to have the NFC
West as their oppo division this year. Theoretically speaking, that’s
four wins, right there. Add that to the Jets and Chiefs game they’ve
already won, we’re looking at a minimum of six wins here. Of course,
the way the NFL is now, they could just as easily run the table.

16. Green Bay Packers (2-2). If Aaron Rodgers is unable to play
Sunday, it’ll be Matt Flynn, not Brian Brohm, as the starting
quarterback. What a drop, man: Two years ago, Pro Football Prospectus
was calling its prediction on which team would have the worst record
in the NFL the “Brohm Watch.” Now he can’t even beat out a guy picked
in the seventh round. But hey: Those Packers coaches know quarterbacks
better than the rest of us.

15. Chicago Bears (2-2). Without looking at the schedule, without even
knowing who’s going to play where and when, I can confidently predict
that the Bears are going 8-8 this year. And Sunday night proves what
we’ve always known about Kyle Orton: The man is at his BEST when under
the biggest spotlight.

14. New Orleans Saints (2-2) I don’t know what this says about the
fanbase, but the only two Saints fans I know are avid Tumblr
impresarios . Actually, it doesn’t say anything, which is about as
much as I have to say about the Saints this week. See? This ranking
thing always gives you your money’s worth.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1). Tampa remains my blind spot, as well
as many of yours, because their level of performance seems
diametrically opposite to their talent level. But forget them:
Springsteen’s playing at the Super Bowl! Yes, yes, I know: My
Springsteen love is not always appreciated here. But here’s hoping
that he ignores all requests and plays nothing but songs about
poverty, racial strife and tragedy. It’ll go well with the acoustic
set, which he’ll have to do, considering, by then, no one will have
enough money to afford the amps.

12. Baltimore Ravens (2-1). As usual, I don’t have anything to say
about the Baltimore Ravens. So! Paul Newman! As sad as anyone over
here, particularly because “Slap Shot” is the most I’ve ever cared
about hockey. Honestly, that movie’s so good, and so scrappy, that
it’s no wonder Newman made it. (It probably seemed like an odd choice
for him before they started filming.) In Newman’s honor, I am now
eating 50 eggs. By the way, Roger Ebert has been running a rather
outstanding retrospective of Newman; here’s a .

11. San Diego Chargers (2-2). I don’t know about you, but I still have
a sense this team is poorly coached and underperforming. JUST A HUNCH.

10. Denver Broncos (3-1). While in San Francisco, I was flipping to
the NFL Network, because my sister does not live in New York City and
can therefore watch the NFL Network. (Grrrrr.) They were showing that
Monday Night game when Joe Montana led the Chiefs to a game-winning
drive over the Broncos. I had completely forgotten that Dan Dierdorf
had once done “MNF.” Wow. At least he hasn’t fallen as far as Dan
Fouts, who I think is actually serving as a bellboy at Dierdorf and
Hart’s.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2). For a team that supposedly turned a
corner last week, they sure did have a lot of trouble sneaking by a
winless Texans team. They could very well lose their next two, as
well. By the way, here’s what

8. Carolina Panthers (3-1). I have decided the new tradition is
talking about Sarah Palin every time the Panthers come up. At this
point, it’s clear that as long as she doesn’t show up at the debate
this Thursday wearing a fish on her head (always a real possibility)
and speaking in tongues, she’s going to “exceed expectations.” It
reminds me a little of when Mariah Carey — who had spent the
last year desperately hanging on to her sanity — performed at
the 9/11 special. (You know, the one where Fred Durst sang “Wish You
Were Here.” Who invited him to that, anyway?) She didn’t break down
and start clawing out chunks of her stomach, so no matter how it went
after that, she was just fine. That’s all Sarah Palin has to do: Come
across as a human being capable of completing a sentence. It’s 50-50,
I’d say.

7. Philadelphia Eagles (2-2). Westbrook or not, I’m concerned, and if
I could pry him away from his Mitch Williams blow-up doll, I’d bet
Daulerio is too.

6. Washington Redskins (3-1). I know, it’s not fair to keep them below
the Cowboys after winning on the road and having the same record, but
like you’re reading this for actual analysis anyway. (Hahahaha, just
kidding: I know you’re not still reading.) But if you watched that
first game of the season and thought, “Man, Jim Zorn’s gonna prove
himself a genius,” you’re clearly KOGOD.

5. Buffalo Bills (4-0). Awfully shaky against the worst team in
organized sport, if they didn’t play the Buzzsaw this week, they might
be concerned. Looking at the economy right now, I think the odds are
good that, in December, there will be more people at a Bills game that
actually live in the city of Buffalo.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1). Let’s pour a 40 out for Rashard
Mendenhall, the star Illini running back who fractured his shoulder
(ouch) last night and will miss the rest of the season. If Mewelde
Moore stubs his toe this week, the Steelers are absolutely signing
Barry Foster again.

3. Dallas Cowboys (3-1). Yep, you’re seeing it too: The impending
Terrell Owens explosion is starting to come in focus now, isn’t it?
Oh, and for the record: None of us have forgotten You didn’t bury that
around these parts, nope.

2. Tennessee Titans (4-0). You know, if Vince Young would come out
from under the bed, he might find his team is awfully fun to watch.
Maybe we can lure him out with some cheese.

1. New York Giants (3-0). Merely by outlasting everybody else (thanks
largely to a bye week), the defending champs are at the top of the
rankings. Hey, I had no choice: Who wants Plaxico Burress beating
their ass?

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